convert loneliness to productivity.

Yesterday, I got out of the house for the first time after I coming home from the Europe trip. Besides the half an hour used to get the Music of Andrew Lloyd Webber tickets and Sara Bareilles' album the other day. I. cannot. wait. for. the. show. Andrew Lloyd Webber hereee we comeeeeee!

I haven't been able to fall asleep lately, takes me at least an hour and a half to shut my eyes to slow jazzy music or soothing classical music. I figured at the half an hour mark that slow music or not, it does not make a difference, so I switched to my band playlist. And felt my heart soar.

I'm not exaggerating when I say it's empowering. I lay there on my bed and jacked up the volume so every single note and beat could fill me. Tried to pick out each instrument like I used to and every note from the pieces we've performed is tagged to a certain emotion. Mostly of not being good enough but I've never ever regretted picking up the flute, even if a little late. My wildest dream is to join a band or orchestra. Thought of how I shouldn't care if the rest think I'm not good enough for my age. It's different with the piano cause it's mostly solo or duet and chances to perform are so rare unless you're Godly or something. Hope I haven't lost my embouchure.

Shall starve my ears tomorrow. I think I've killed them today.

End of dear diary post